FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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