just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
