And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
