i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
