you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
