I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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