I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
