from now on my penis is your penis
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
