btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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