Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
