Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
