Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Someone signed my nipple.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
