but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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