Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
