The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
