What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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