He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
