she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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