Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
