I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
