the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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