We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
