This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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