$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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