If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
