just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
