i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
