I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
