Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
