just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
