My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
