So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
