this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
