If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
