party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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