so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
