Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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