Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
