when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
