I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
