through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
