I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
