I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
