he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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