Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
