I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
