running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
