she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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