I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
