I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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